Thursday, January 15, 2009

Prayers Please

My little deer friend, she looked when I opened the porch door.


I know I've been silent for a bit.  After I finished the Whole Brain Radiation, things just got
icky. I was so scattered for so long, and then IT set in. The nausea, the not being able to eat. The NOT SO GOOD attitude.  The sleeping all day and night.  
Here it is two months later and I'm not better. 

I've lost 20 lbs since November, I go out for dr appts and that's it. Rich did all the Christmas shopping that got done .. ALL OF IT.  

I did go to the docs and go again next week. I had another Brain MRI last week and it showed NO new tumors and the ones that are there are smaller.  Great news!!

We are trying to get the nausea under control. It is much better, but food..YUCK..I don't like anything.  I do eat something each day..but I can't eat much.   

The worst part, I am NOT all happy ..not mad or angry..just feel like I've lost my lust for life.  My dear hubby has been so good about it.  He lets me do what I want, doesn't push, except to make me eat.  

I am not trying to starve myself..I want to eat. 

SO..I am asking for prayers for ME..That this will get better..I can't keep losing weight..and that
my joyous attitude will return.  I want to be positive like I was before. 

I don't talk on the phone ..cuz I just have not much to say..I  WISH I knew someone like ME..who has gone through all of this and could share with me ..but alas..I know
no one....If you know of someone who has stage 4 breast cancer, with brain mets ..and radiation
would you ask them if they'd share their experience??

I'm crying now..maybe this post did ME some good.
Love to you all
Deena



157 comments:

  1. praying dear Deena....I haven't stopped...

    Hugs,
    Betsy
    xoxo

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  2. Oh Deena...I am sorry for all of it. It is no fun not feeling good. Of course, prayers.

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  3. Darling Deena, I am still praying for you sweetheart. This is so sad, I can't do anything to make you better, I wish I could. Don't lose heart, there are so many people praying and sending their love to you. You are much loved, hugs to you sweet girl, SuzanneXXX

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  4. Praying, yes praying.
    Praying God will encourage you through the nature you love so dear.

    katie

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  5. Oh Denna..I'm crying with you...I'm so sorry you've been so sick. It breaks my heart to hear that you are hurting so much.

    We are all praying for you...you know that. Wish I could wrap my arms around you and give you a HUG.
    Love,
    Robin

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  6. Will lift you up in prayer. Could it be possible that depression is a side effect of any meds you are on????.....ASK for advice on this one...Listen to the Bible on CD, even low..when you are sleeping...oh sweet lady...praying..
    Deby

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  7. Dear Deena,
    I'm praying for you right now, that you feel the Holy Spirit wrap you with His shining white light, and restore your zest and love of life. I pray strength, appetite, that you feel the unconditional love, the Agape love that is surrounding you right now with prayers. I love you as if I have been friends with you all my life, and will continue to hold you up in prayer every day until the day you post, "All Is Well."
    Blessigs,
    Laurie

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  8. I wish I could be there with you, just to sit and listen and cry and pray and hug......

    continuing in prayer~
    kelly~

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  9. Dear Deena,
    I am so sorry you are not feeling well. I will include you in my prayers. Sending you many hugs. Sharon

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  10. Oh my dearest Deena -- I will pray so hard and so sincerely for your appetitie and joy for life to return...

    My enormous empathy, for whatever it is worth...

    I have not been through it myself, but the friends I know that have have expressed similar feelings as you are...

    It is normal to be exhausted and worn out. Your body and heart have fought so valiantly...

    I send my love dear Deena, infinite love to you --

    ((hugs)) and ((more hugs))

    Loving Annie

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  11. Oh Deena ~ I can't even imagine feeling that poorly for so long like you have. I was hoping that you were feeling better after you other posts, and here you were not feeling well at all.

    I am praying for you and so are many others.

    ~Angie

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  12. Oh Deena Honey, I had a feeling that things were not going too well with you...
    I am praying that this blaah feeling will go away along with the nausea...
    drink lots of milk shakes, maybe that will help the weight loss...and if you put fruit in them it will give you nourishment...

    you have been positive for so long...it is your time to let yourself go and feel a bit unhappy about all of this...

    after all it is not fair...but you have been such a blessing to so many...and we are all holding you up in prayer now...
    Love and Hugs...
    Mimi

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  13. Hello sweet friend, I think of you so often...sending prayers up for you to feel good again! I know that you are bombarded with meds but can you take something to help with your mood, I take fluoxetine to fight depression with my hormones and it helps so much. I'll certainly pray for your appetite to return and as you gain strength you will most definitely get your spunk back....I'm so very thankful about the tumors being gone or smaller Deena, what an amazing blessing!!! love and hugs to you dear friend, xxoo, Dawn

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  14. Although I don't know you, I was so touched by your post...
    Please know that I am sending my thoughts, prayers and positive energy to you.
    Take care,
    Kit

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  15. DEENA,
    just know that you have alot of people thinking about you , praying for you and wishing you nothing but wellness and happiness.
    this is going to take time. you will get back to being you. i just know it. :)
    have the docs talked to you about maybe some antidepressants? appetite stimulants? or caloric additives? you need to get some weight on and stay strong.
    hang in there....... and post when you can.
    kim

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  16. Oh dear lady...it sounds to me like I end up feeling after using up lots and lots of adrenaline on a big project. I have a few days of the very feelings you describe...your "big event" was much more traumatic and exhausting to your system. I would not think this would be at all unusual and hope you can let yourself heal.

    The nausea and all of that must be a BEAR! I would hate that with my whole heart!

    You have my prayers. They haven't stopped. I look and pray whether you have posted or not...

    Thanks for the honesty! It does everyone good!

    Becky

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  17. Thanks for letting us know how you are feeling, dear friend. And know that we are all lifting you up to the One who can heal broken bodies, and spirits. You've fought for a long time, I'm sure even our Lord was tired on His walk, but I pray for strength and healing and HOPE for you. My joys: Seeing a post from you, cold, brisk winter air, a hawk who is in the same place every day, and a community of bloggers who truly care about each other.

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  18. Deena,I went through chemo with non-hodgkins lymphoma, stage 4. I couldn't read because my tear ducts would water, so I listened to tapes by Patsy Clairmont and Barbara Johnson. They are so hilarious. Laughing helps you build the endorphines that take away pain! 10 minutes of laughing 20 pain free minutes. I would eat small meals, and everything tasted like metal due to the chemicals in the chemo. But more laughing would help! Please keep eating and staying hydrated. My husband also put together a disc of praise music so I could lay down with headphones on, close my eyes and take a nap. You are in my prayers throughout the day. I enjoy your nature pics so very much. I too, love nature.
    Love and prayers,
    Donna

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  19. Dearest Deena ~ My friend, I'm sorry that you are feeling so low. Have you told the doctors exactly how you are feeling? While you are probably worn out from all that you've been through in the past year, I do feel your spirit is waning and that dear, is not YOU! A mild anti-depressant taken short-term would probably help immensely! Please know that I'm praying for you always.

    Love your Christmas pictures!

    Hugs & love, Karen

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  20. I felt you were having a difficult time and have been praying. I will continue to pray.

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  21. Deena,
    Don't you dare apologize for feeling terrible my darling! You are right..no one knows how you feel except for someone who is going through the same thing you are. And Deena, don't ever hesitate to ask for prayers. I'm looking over to the left side of this page and I see many lovely people leaving you messages of hope and encouragement. I wish you could truly feel our arms around you.
    "Dear Lord, please envelope Deena with the warmth of our prayers. Help her to get the nourishment she needs so that she may fight her battle with as much strength as she can. Give her peace so that she may rest easily. Keep her courage strong Lord. She needs all the strength that you can give her. She has asked for help. Please hear her prayer".

    Texas is thinking of you,
    Deanna :)

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  22. Sometimes warriors need down time too sweetie, don't forget that. No one expects you to be happy all the time.
    God is with you, and so many of us are praying...all over the world. You have touched our lives deeply. I, for one, am better for having you in my life-
    I LOVE YOU!
    Sherry

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  23. Deena, sweet Deena, I am so sorry you have been through so much and are feeling yucky. I keep praying for you. I don't know anyone who has been through your experience. I think that would be good to talk with someone who has been through the same thing. You shouldn't be hard on yourself because you have been through so much, I think it's okay to feel down. I hope that you will feel perky and joyful again. I believe you will. I hope that your appetite will come back too. I will pray specifically for all of these things for you Deena.

    May God bless you and heal you. Praise the Lord that there were no new tumors and the ones you have have gotten smaller.

    "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid." John 14:27

    With much love and concern, your friend, Sharon

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  24. Deena~~
    You are in my thoughts and my prayers.....I'll keep praying you hold on!! Don't you loose your fight!

    We are all here for you and holding you up to God for healing and comfort!

    Many Many Many Many HUGSSSSS...
    Lori
    XOXOXXO

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  25. Deena I so agree with the 2 or 3 others that have recommended that you need an anti-depressant. I guess I am just surprised that the doctors haven't had you on one way before now.
    My sweet son had a stem cell transplant almost 5 years ago now so I do know a little of what you share with us.
    Every single person in this ol world reacts to radiation and chemo differently. My son is doing a procedure called photopheresis and will make that 3 hour drive tomorrow to have it done,and then it will take at least 2 days for him to feel more like his self again.
    I think of you all the time and when we don't hear of you for awhile I always hope that you are just to busy to post.
    ((((Deena))))

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  26. Praying for you Deena, for you health and happiness. *Hugs*

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  27. Sending prayers and sweet wishes...I know I've gone through my share of 'down periods'. One of the times, a therapist really helped-maybe it's something to look into?

    R

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  28. Dear Deena, I hope that our love can come right through this computer and wrap you in our arms. You're in my prayers, try not to lose heart. Yours is so special.

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  29. Dear Sweet Friend

    I had a feeling you were having a hard time when I left my comment yesterday. It's just not like you to be away.

    Even though I'm a cancer survivor myself, I can't imagine how hard this has all been for you. But girl, you must fight. You must eat. You must be positive. Come on now. Do it for your family. Do it for your friends. Do it for yourself. Get up and fight. Look the damn cancer in the eye and let it know You're the boss.

    I'm praying for you. I'm here if you need to talk. I'll gladly give you my number.

    Hugs and love sweet friend.
    Kat

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  30. I LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU, LOVE YOU!!!!!

    I am thrilled that you have no new tumors and the others are smaller, but after all we knew nothing but good news, cause you've been healed....and I will be praying for you to get an appitate back....I know I'll fast.

    LOVE YA
    Annette

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  31. Count me in with the many others who are praying for you Deena.

    Hugs,
    Kim

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  32. Deena, just want you to know I will continue to pray for you...... wish I could bring smiles to you somehow.
    I loved seeing the sweet little deer. Haven't seen deer in our yard for quite some time, but we still get those pretty birdies!
    :)
    ~Becca~

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  33. Deena, I am covering you in the power of the Holy spirit and claiming the victory in Jesus name. I too had a feeling you have been having a really hard battle. Hold onto the Lord Jesus, let him carry you through this hard time. Talk to the doctors and push to get what you need. I will keep praying for you.

    Jacquelene L.

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  34. Hi Deena, I am so very happy to hear that they have found no more tumors and that the others are shrinking. You just don't know how inspiring you are. It took so much courage to write and let us know how you are feeling.You are always in my prays and my thoughts. I will also pray that Lords brings you together with someone who has gone through the same experience as you. God Bless, Julie

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  35. I've been wondering where you've been. I can understand your depression - you've been through so much. Please don't give up. Know that we all love you and are still praying for you.

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  36. Hi Deena,
    My good friend was just recently diagnosed with breast cancer and she has found support with online groups - even finding a local group of women who can visit our local gym for free to keep up with their physical fitness. I know that groups online have been a big help to her. I continue to pray and I appreciate the update/info. Hoping that soon you will get a craving for something good and dig in! : )
    VB

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  37. dear friend Deena... I am sending you a big hug..I had no idea you were feeling yucky again..and a great big shame on me for not stopping by earlier to check in on you.
    I will be praying for you. I know that you can get that chin up again.
    sending you a big hug and praying for you too.
    hugs,
    Tina

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  38. Oh, sweetheart, this has got to be the most miserable experience, just horrible. I can't imagine that there isn't a good support group for you to share your feelings, and your non-feelings, too. I remember when my mother was going through her chemo. She lived, more or less, from day to day without really good highs or awful lows. She just did what she had to do and then would make it to the next appointment.

    I do know this. I am NOT going to tell you that you are a good warrior or that you are a tough cookie or that you always tough it through. You don't need that now. You don't want to be a tough cookie, you want to be a healthy cookie and you want to eat cookies!

    I am sending to you my heart and my hugs. I wish I could send my strength, too. I know when my mom was so sick I would pray that I could take her pain and worry for a few days, all of it, so she could rest and see the beauty in life again.

    Keeping you close in prayer...

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  39. Dear Deena, my prayers continue to be with you.

    I don't know of anyone who has been through this- but maybe the Drs know of someone who has?

    I hope you are able to drink some Ensure Plus or something like that, even if you don't feel like eating.

    Even though you feel alone right now, the Lord does know how you're feeling. I am thinking of the song "His eye is on the sparrow" - if He even cares for a sparrow that falls, He surely cares for you!

    Just know we are here and we love you and are praying for you.

    Hugs ♥
    Ruthie

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  40. Deena,

    I'm so sorry to hear all of this. But that's great news about the MRI!

    Your body is recovering and healing so it may take time. What a hard way to loose 20 lbs! You can eventually gain that back if you so choose with a high chocolate diet. I could give you tips if you want.;)

    All kidding aside, you are in my prayers. I pray that vitality and joy will return to you and you will live abundantly. Sending you big cyber hugs!

    Love you lots, Jan

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  41. Sweet Deena, as other have said, your name is called out in my prayers. I can only tell you that Jesus' cares...reach for HIM and call out his name...it is a strong tower...a leaning post and keep saying the name of Jesus...Begin to Praise Him even for your sickness, your trails,...Please Deena, don't let satan keep you down...two months is nothing for what you have been through...get some red grapes...they are good to build you up...don't worry about the weight you have lost...that goes along with depression and nausea...try to stay away from food smells..Put lids on your drinks...smelling food when nausea is not good...so anything that you can drink with a straw might help. Like soups...anything rich in vitamins...My shield of faith is held up high for you..I do believe you are healed of cancer! be safe in Jesus is my prayer...
    Love you, Judy

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  42. Sorry that I don't know anyone in your position, but I do hope that someone that reads your message will. It's good that you asked, now someone can respond. I'm hoping that someone does, sending positive vibes and I'm thinking of you. Hope you'll get back your apetite too. It's good to hear that your husband supports you this way. I know that it's easy to say but try to eat for him. Thinking of you!

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  43. Calling your name in prayer.

    I have a friend (48 years old) who was diagnosed with a Stage IV brain tumor in May last year. She's had some very rough days with chemo and such.

    I can only imagine the struggles you've faced and the obstacles you've overcome. I only know you through this blog, but you sound like a very strong woman to me.

    A prayer that's helped me in dark hours is from Francis de Sales:

    The same eternal Father who cared for you today, will care for you tomorrow and every day. Either He will shield you from suffering, or will give you unfailing strength to bear it. So be at peace, then, and put aside all anxious thoughts and imaginings.

    Praying for you.

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  44. As always, positive energy being sent.

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  45. Sending prayers for you, for the gift of tears and laughter and music and much joy.

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  46. Sending prayers your way!!!!!

    HUGS!!!

    Louise

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  47. I prayed for you this morning in bed, and then found your latest post--please know that if I could, I would do anything for you, Deena--I don't know anyone who is going through exactly the same thing, and I feel that I have nothing to offer except my prayers, living so far away from you. I do think of you all the time, and want so much for you to feel better. I love the picture of the deer--he is beautiful! God always seems to add a tiny bit of beauty and/or joy to our lives, even when we're suffering. Much love to you, always, Jann

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  48. Prayers always sweet Deena. It is little wonder that your psyche and your spirit have taken a nose dive..you have weathered a very major storm...cocoon, allow yourself to have respite, feed your soul and your body, nourish yourself...and if you haven't, do speak with your doctors about this. They are there to help with this part of the journey as well ♥

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  49. There's NOT a day that goes by that I don't say a prayer for you my friend...Your Always and Will Always be IN my mind!!!
    May you Always have the Love you deserve...
    M

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  50. I am so sorry Deena.
    Keeping you in my prayers and heart always.

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  51. As I read your post, the tears just rolled down. Prayers being sent your way.

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  52. Oh, Deena!!!!! It's been such a long, slow, hard journey for you and I know how much you want it to be over and to get your life back again. You have been such a help and encouragement to so many, including ME, and here you are, drained, tired, sick, etc. I know about the nausea, believe me! NOT a good thing!

    I scrolled back up on your post and looked again at the deer in your yard, and couldn't help but feel that he came just for you! He looked so sweet, calm, and loving! Like YOU!

    Deena, I'll be praying for you. I just know that this is just a valley -- a time that will pass and you will move on to better and more wonderful things! No one knows how much I appreciate your honesty, openness, and willingness to share this all. You have helped me through a lot, believe me! Wish I could be there to hold you up!!!!!

    Cora

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  53. Deena, I have been praying for you daily. Read Jeremiah 29:11. That is my very favorite verse. "For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future"

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  54. Dear Deena,

    Although I don't comment often, I read you all the time. I know from experience that when a blogger stops blogging, something is not right.

    I add my prayers to all the others. May you literally feel embraced and warmed by our loving arms.

    I think some of your commenters may be right in guessing you might need some antidepressants for the short run. They are also right in saying that you can't be a warrior all the time. If it's rest you need now, take it.

    I hope your appetite for food - and for life - both return soon.

    Another Julie - from Bismarck, ND

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  55. I adore you... for your honesty... dont expect yourself to be so positive all the time.... I think that we sometimes put more pressure on ourselves because the world says we HAVE to be positive or something is wrong... you need to grieve in a sense and heal... tears and laughter are all part of the process... its normal... so give yourself that and give yourself credit ... you .... your body have been through a lot .... and it takes time .... you need to give yourself that time... take small steps.... each day a teeny bit... if you take two bites of food one day.... take three the next ... keep adding one small bite....

    You have a lot of wonderful friends as is obvious by the people who have left comments...

    Everyone loves you and your spirit... so have no fear that we will all be praying for you...

    LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!

    HUGS
    JO

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  56. oh, dear one...i have never stopped praying for you..too emotional to write now so will have to come back. love and kisses...bj

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  57. Deena, we love you and are praying for you. Don't give up your zest for life. There's still a lot of fun and rewarding things out in the world. That picture of the deer made my day...a little miracle God sent you to send to us.
    Stay strong...things are looking up...really they are. You're getting better!
    Hugs, Susan

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  58. I hope you can feel all the love that is coming your way. All the hugs and prayers directed towards you. My prayer is that you can find a kindred spirit that lives near you to hold your hand in person. Someone to pass the kleenex and understand what you need.

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  59. Sending all the love and prayers your way.....and wishes that you can eat without getting sick!

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  60. Dear Sweet Deena, Just reading all of these comments, so many people care and love you! I hope you start to feel the results of all of these prayers soon! I believe prayer works and know you will be feeling better in the very near future! It is OK for you to feel any way you need to feel at this time. You can even be angry if you need to feel that emotion. You own no one an explanation. I will also pray and call the Unity prayer line. They are so wonderful. I have called them myself so many times I've lost count. If you feel up to it, even call yourself. Their # is 800-669-7729. Just talking to one of their prayer people will make you instantly feel better! Take care sweetheart. Love from Darlene Starzie98@aol.com

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  61. Deena~
    I just read your post asking for prayers and I want to let you know that I will be praying for you. You have been so strong through so much and it is not suprising for you to be worn down. You have such a zest for life and I sure it will come back. I will pray that God will give you the strength and courage you need through this difficult time. I will also pray that your zest for life comes back and that you will be able to enjoy food again. Just typing that out - I thought that this sounds like depression - is there a Dr that you can talk to about all of this and see if maybe they can do something for you to help?
    God bless and keep you,

    Lisa in Texas = )

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  62. Good and healing thoughts are being sent your way. Just believe that all is well.
    Hugs
    Denise
    oxoxox

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  63. Dear Deena, I'm so sorry to read you are not able to eat.. I will be praying for your appetite to return. You have been through so so much, how my heart goes out to you. I thought maybe you were not feeling your self.. I pray the old Deena comes back soon.
    Hugs & much love & many prayers coming your way. ~Mary~
    I love you!!

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  64. I don't know you, but I've seen your blog on many other blogs "favorites", and your blog name always stuck out at me..so I finally came to visit and say hello..Then I read this latest post and I was just heartbroken.
    I have not gone through exactly what you are going through, but I am a cancer survivor- 10 yrs now! I can relate to those thoughts you are having..and if you ever need to talk or share..or complain :)..come and visit, my personal blog is
    http://babyweekes.blogspot.com/

    you're in my prayers, they are powerful! :)

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  65. ..oh in case you were wondering what kind of cancer- I had Hodgkin's Disease, and I know the side effects of radiation..aggh!

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  66. Prayers never GO unanswered. NEVER ever.
    Marie

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  67. Our dear Deena, Write, write, write - cry, too. We're here for you and we have big shoulders. Pour out your heart if that will help you feel better or get better. And we will pray. Love, Diane

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  68. Deena,

    I can't imagine going through what you're dealing with. A friend of mine was just diagnosed with stage 3 lymphoma and I think they've also discovered a brain tumor. I wish there was something I could do for you besides say a prayer.

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  69. My praying hasn't stopped either.....I have been worried about you..I knew something had changed when we didn't hear from you.....I wish I had something to share with you..to make you feel better..but I don't.
    I only hope You know how much we love and care about you. And I do hope You feel better inside and out. Much Love and Hugs

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  70. I'm praying right now, and my prayers for you will be constant. I pray for you to feel peace.

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  71. Deena,

    I will pray for you! God Bless you!

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  72. I'm still praying for you too Deena.
    I hope someone who has been through what you are contacts you. I'm praying you get your appetite back and also a spring in your step, and emotions.
    God bless you Deena,
    Lea

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  73. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family and I hope this month brings you good news!

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  74. One of my best friends is a 13 year breast cancer survivor and had weeks like you are going through as she would tell you do whatever you can to stay positive and its ok to take an antidepressant,God is with you and you have many friends....Barb

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  75. Oh Deena I did not realize that you were so sick. You have had a thundering blow with all of this. It is haed enough to have a diagnosis of breast cancer but brain tumors too! Woah, that is alot to take in honey and I am sure you are overwhelmed. The good news is that you are cancer free and the tumors are smaller right?

    The hair loss is temporary and will come back. The not wanting to eat is from your drugs right? Keep trying to eat. Eat nutritious food and some fattening food too! I know you don't enjoy any food right now .

    I will be praying for your quick and complete recovery Deena. My heart is heavy right now because I did not know of your illness.

    YOu have been such an inspiriation to me and I admire you. Hang in there...fight fight fight.

    Warm hugs my sweet friend
    Patti

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  76. Dear Deena - Bob and I are so sad to know you have not been doing quite as well and that you've lost your appetite. We are praying for you as always, that you will be able to eat and get your strength back which in turn will help you to keep on fighting. We want so much for you to join us as another glowing cancer survivor and you know what Deena, we are sure you can do it once over this latest hurdle. The outcome of your recent MRI is good news. Your lust for life and positive outlook is just hiding momentarily - the brilliant Deena can return and I know she will soon.

    Holding you close despite the miles - sending blessings, love, and good wishes.

    Mary - ACROSS THE POND

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  77. Hi Deena:
    I am a friend of Mary's and my daughter and I aare praying for you and your appetite to come back to you.
    I love the photo of the doe outside your home : ) Soft & gentle.
    Peace & Hugs
    carole

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  78. My dearest Deena, While I am so glad to hear the good news, the bad news that you are suffering and hurting hurts my heart and I am continuing to carry you in my prayers and pray that the nausea goes away and that your joy for life returns. You have fought bravely and valiantly for so long now, so give your body and your mind a chance to repair themselves. I know the nausea has to be so miserable and that it takes away your appetite. I see so many people loving you and carrying you in their prayers I know this healing will happen for you.
    love
    gail

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  79. I haven't forgotten about you Deena! And I have been wondering how you were progressing with your therapy and such.
    Sounds like your just zapped a bit in body and strength and need some new purpose to give you that "ZEAL for life" back.
    I will be praying that you get that right away and feel much better soon!!!
    Don't give up you are such a fighter.
    Be BLESSED,
    Joyce

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  80. Hey sweety...you are always in my prayers and I know you are God's girl and he's really close to you.

    When my best friend Linda got signet ring carcinoma of the stomach cancer, (she was a jeweler...irony)she had the hardest time finding things to eat that appealed to her. Orange crush soda and slimfast...did the trick...just hard finding that orange crush soda!;-)

    God bless your sweet man and God bless you!!

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  81. Praying for you dear Deena... may your appetite return... and your zest for all things good.

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  82. I will pray that exact prayer, dear one.

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  83. Deena, please check out www.caringbridge.com. it is a wonderful website where you can keep your friends & family up to date on YOU and there are a lot of others on there who have been through what you are going through. My friend's daughter has a page (christademo). You will find so much support there. Good luck & God speed, Monica ( my sis is a breastcancer survivor- 11 yrs., & both of my prents had cancer, so you will definitely be in my thoughts & prayers)

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  84. Deena, I am just looking in on you to see how you are feeling. Lots better I hope, dear one...keep the faith....this too will pass....all these comments have touched my heart and I know yours is deeply touched as well...I hold that shield of faith up extra high for...I will take on the fight for you dear warrior...you rest and get all better....Angels are all about you sweet Deena...Can you feel them...they can touch you...
    be safe in Jesus,is my prayer..
    Love you much, Judy

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  85. Dear Sweet Deena, I have not, nor will I ever stop praying for you. Even my aunt has you on her prayer list. My heart is heavy and I wish I could be there like everyone else said that have been keeping up with your progress. I hate giving advice, but hopefully this one Might just help a little. Try and eat a tablespoon of something that you like and is good for you---every half hour. I had to do this for a few months and with God's help, I managed to get my appetite back. Don't give up the fight---you have come too far and we all love you so much now. I offer my tears up to our Lord for you in hopes that He comforts and nourishes your soul. Love and Hugs, Pat

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  86. Sweet Deena,I am sending lots of Prayers and Love. Please try to eat a little bite for all of us.
    We love you and are so sorry that you are not feeling better yet.
    Hope the weather is nice for you Saturday. Maybe sit on the porch and watch your deer and listen to nature.
    Soft Sweet Hugs,Mary

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  87. Praying for you Deena. My family is experiencing a similar crisis and I seem to be their cheerleader. I have always been a positive person and teach ballet to help build self esteem in others (even the not so skinny ones!!). If you would like to chat I may be able to help you..

    Feel free to email me and I will make arrangements to call you!

    Hang in there! You are going to get through this!


    xo Molly
    fleurdebee@me.com

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  88. Oh my Dear Deena....how I wish I could wave a magic wand for you. You have done great...are doing great and you will continue to amaze us all with your strength.

    You are one beautiful lady who has touched so many lives.

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  89. HOPE, FAITH and PRAYERS....you can't have one without the other... don't ever give up HOPE.. as sick as you feel, you have to hold on to that sring of HOPE... I know it's easy for me to sit here and say that, but I do feel you are a very strong lady....I know you have the FAITH in the bucket, and you certainly have tons and tons of PRAYERS....so my dear friend DEENA, hold onto that string....better days are ahead... I do hope they find something to help with the nausea... judy

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  90. Praying for you, Deena - Much love, Pam

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  91. We'll be praying for you and adding you to our Blog Prayer List (sidebar). You will remain in our prayers, dear.

    ~Blessings,
    Jan & Tom

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  92. Your courage brings tears! I am sending prayers to you and from your blog I know you have a strong spirit. hugs, joni

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  93. Beverly sent me. I'll pray for you, Deena. God loves you, so turn to Him.

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  94. Hello Deena,

    My prayers are being sent to you and your family. May god shine down on you during this time in your life.

    Kris

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  95. Oh dear, sweet Deena, I am so sorry you are feeling so under the weather. I'm sending up prayers right now that your overall well being will improve and that things will be better soon. I will continue to remember you in my prayers.

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  96. We love you Deena and are fighting for you with prayers...
    love, bj

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  97. I added a prayer button to my sidebar, requesting prayers for you, sweetheart. We all love you. I've noticed other blogs, HOW SWEET IT IS, for one, that's requesting prayers for you, also.
    xo bj

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  98. Love to you too. I have never stopped praying for you but I'll get a lot "louder" with it (mentally!).. I believe that prayers do get heard, all of them. God and the angels will get such a ruckus from all of us like they've never heard!! They'll say who the heck is making all that noise?! :) I'm sorry, I know it must be hard to even smile, and I just want you to feel better soon.
    Much love and virtual hugs from Far Far Away,
    love, T

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  99. Deena, You are in my prayers, Hope you can eat just a little bit more each day. You are in all of our prayers, we have walked this walk with you and we are all here for you to lean on. Hugs to you dear Denna. Sharon K

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  100. Praying for you daily.
    Sending you blessings and love,
    Virginia

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  101. Oh dear Deena just look at all that love & prayers coming your way..WOW 100 comments left just on this post so far!!!
    Sweet Gal I hope this puts a BIG smile on your lovely face this Saturday and that you see how much we all care about you.
    Hugs, lots of love & many prayers to you my kind caring friend!
    ~Mary~ :-}

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  102. Hi Deena...I'm brand new to your blog, so we haven't met before. I have seen several of your Pink Saturday frineds mentioning you today on their blogs, so I wanted to drop by.

    I can't even begin to imagine what it s like to be in your shoes right now, bless your heart. But I can very easily offer up a sincere prayer, as so many of your blogging buddies have been doing. I pray for your health and happiness, and for your zest for life to return to you...you are a brave lady. :-) May God work miracles in your life, as He is SO capable of doing. I will visit often and pray each visit finds you feeling more like "you". :-)

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  103. Dear Deena!
    My mother was diagnosed in pancreatic cancer - in 2008 April, in May operation and until November chemo. She could not eat either. Our fridge was full of all kind of food - to make her eat even just a small spoon of something after each hour. Yes, It is so had to eat when it tastes like metal - but take just very little at the time - like children who are eating for one bite to the grandmother, one bite for the mother etc...
    You can also have a bad mood - all what you have been going through - it is a lot... But as always - after a bad time it will always come a good time again....It will come and you will feel better!
    I am sending to you prays from Estonia!
    Very big hugs,
    Roosamamma

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  104. I've missed you so much! I am so sorry that you are not yourself. It's understandable but nonetheless I know that no matter how hard we try to cheer you, we don't really understand. All we can do is pray, pray and pray.

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  105. Deanna, you are always in my prayers..you have been through so much and have been so brave..sending lots of good wishes and hugs and prayers..:o)

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  106. I wish I could do something to make you feel better and make all your pain go away.....I can't,but I know a man who can....I will talk to my Father for you...nothing is impossible for him.I will ask God to send someone in your path,who knows just how you feel and what you are going through. May God bless you dear,Deena!

    Blessings,Shelley

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  107. praying for you Deena. don't give up dear, keep up the fight. one of your friends mentioned laughter helped her. wonderful advise, even if it gives you 10 or 20 minutes a day sweet one. many prayers out her for you.

    ~cheryl

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  108. dearest deena.. another prayer lifted up.. a dear friend of mine is in the midst of breast cancer treatment.. hope you don't mind i am forwarding your post to her...

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  109. I've not been around in a while but saw you mentioned at Mary's Isabella Closet blog.

    Prayers and hugs for you today!

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  110. Dear Deena,
    Oh, my heart goes out to you. I am so, so sorry to hear that you are not feeling well. I continue to pray for you sweet one, I always will. Sending you big hugs...Love always, Carol Anne

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  111. Dear Deena

    God Bless You
    I am praying for you...
    I'm sorry you've been sick.

    Don't forget that you are a pink warrior Deena...
    Lots of kisses to you

    Marcela

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  112. Deena,

    My dear friend, you need to talk to your friends, even if it's about the weather. You can always talk to me about your beautiful Singing Woods. I would love to hear all about them and the critters you see there.

    I'm glad Rich is so understanding and also glad he pushes the eating.

    I'm praying for you, my friend.

    Joys for today:

    Having YOU for my friend.

    Seeing the photo of your deer.

    Snow and birds.

    God is looking after you and you will soon feel better.

    Love you...
    Mary

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  113. Deena, I'm so glad you were able to share and let us know what you need prayer for! My heart is there for you, and my prayers will be too! Keep looking up, He'll carry you over the mountain. Love, Karen

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  114. Dear Deena; My heart and Prayers go up to our Lord on your behalf. You sound like a very strong lady, and your joy will be back, Praise the Lord for your test results. I hope you can feel our love and prayers.
    God Bless;

    Hugs;
    Alaura
    I sure wish I new of someone who you could share with that knows what you are going through

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  115. Hi Sweet Deena! I've not been visiting much as my daughter has had several starts & stops on her way to motherhood ~ but please check my blog when you can, as I, too, now have a gloriously beautiful grandson!! He was born Monday, weighed 7 lbs. 10 oz.

    I will continue to pray for you & will also pray for your appetite to return (if you will pray for mine to go away!LOL) When my daddy was taking his treatments, we found that cold things, like chocolate mousse & ice cream & milkshakes tempted him to eat. Dairy Queen Hawaiian Blizzards were his favorite! Will you try one for me?

    Love, Big Hugs, & Prayers,
    Stephanie
    Angelic Accents

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  116. Just wanted to stop by & let you know I'm sending up prayers for you...wishing you comfort, health & happiness....your blog is so pretty! Keep holding on to faith...it will guide you through.

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  117. Hi Deena,
    I continue to keep you and Cora in prayer every morning as I drive to work, I pray someone will come along who has gone through a similar journey, I know it helps to talk to someone who has been through it. I know the L Lord continues to carry you through each day and you know it's okay to cry he bottles up each and every tear you cry.

    Hugz Lorie

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  118. Thinking of you ~ I will pray more specifically about your physical and emotional needs.

    Warm Hugs,
    Lea

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  119. Deena,

    You are in my heart and prayers daily!

    The winter blues don't help I'm sure ...just behold God's joy of nature that comes to visit you when you can and maybe you will find at least a little lust for life!

    It is always such a blessing to share with you ...just remember that you can lean when you need to!!

    Love, Tina

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  120. Dear Deena,
    Found somebody at the similar situation http://circlingmyhead.blogspot.com/
    Hope it is ok to write link here.
    Hope you feel a bit better today...

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  121. Always thinking and praying for you Deena, even tho I'm a silent visitor.

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  122. Deena- lifing you up right now and every day. Your symptoms sound like what I felt like when I had acute depression. I couldn't eat even though I wanted to. I lost 20 pounds in 2 weeks. I couldn't stand to chew or swallow food. It was really weird. I pray that your doctors help you find relief soon. In the meantime, be good to yourself and know that this too shall pass.

    big hugs
    Lennea

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  123. Dear Deena,

    I don't know if I have commented before in the past, but I have kept up with your story. I am praying for you. God is right there with you; hold tight to Hil and He will see you through. Spring is coming!

    Blessings,
    Robin

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  124. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I'm offering prayers to our Heavenly Father that He might touch and heal you and give you back your zest for life. many many hugs.. ~lynne~

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  125. Dear Deena:

    I have not had brain mets but I do have inflammatory breast cancer that has spread to the bones, skin, ovaries, lung, and bone marrow.

    I do know how you feel and I think that you had a more positive attitude than most.

    At this point I am at acceptance. I accept that I have this (I will still fight all I can with treatments) so that I can move on with it.

    But being nauseated all the time or in pain all the time can't make you positive, all that physical weighs on the mind. It has too.

    I am praying for you what I pray for myself dear Deena and that is not that God will heal us, because I don't believe that is possible, but I am praying that God can comfort you and be beside you and help ease your symptoms.

    Breathe Deena.

    Love Renee

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  126. Just wanted to add my prayers. Your post is heartwrenching...it almost makes me wish I had gone through it just so you would have someone to relate to. {{{hugs}}}

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  127. Sweet Deena,

    I wish I could hold you and take that pain away. Know that you are loved and lifted in prayer. Our arms may be virtual but our prayers are ever so real.

    Hugs,
    Dena

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  128. Still praying too Deena. I was in church this morning and saw a neighbor who had cancer a few years ago. It really seemed hopeless, but here he is, doing well. Another man at our church has lived with cancer for sooooo many years. He just lives his life and cancer is a part of it. I wish you peace, and joy and love and HOPE, dear friend.

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  129. Deena ~ my prayers are forever with you!

    With gentle hugs,
    Sandy

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  130. Deena, sweet girl, you have my prayers and you are in my thoughts. I am so glad you were able to come with an update and I am happy for the good news, but of course, I will be praying for the other bad things, the blahs, the nausea, the lack of appetite to just fade away.
    ((XOXOXhugsXOXOX))
    Melissa

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  131. Deena- I'm adding my prayers to all those here- WOW- so much love and prayer- the Lord will surely send his grace down upon you.

    Many hugs to you and give Rich a hiug from all of us too. Such a trooper.

    Anita

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  132. I check your blog daily and when the posts seemed far and few between, I just knew you weren't feeling well. It saddens me to know you cannot eat, but maybe you can sip something by straw that's nutritious, to give your the strength you need. Your body needs it sweetie. I will continue praying for you, even when the tumors are gone. I am blessed to know you, sweet Deena.

    xoxo
    Nancy

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  133. Good Evening Deena!
    You will most definately be in my prayers in the days to come. I pray that you are able to tolerate and enjoy food once again. I pray that you get your sunny positive attitude back and I pray that that stupid cancer just takes a hint and realizes he isn't welcome anymore and gets the heck outta dodge!!! May God place his healing arms around you and hold you tight until you are all better!
    Many blessings my bloggie friend!!!
    Robin in Houston

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  134. Dear Deena, Well you must have the whole US praying for you!!! I also will be among those remembering you in prayer!!! You are going to the right Person for your help and strength, and sometimes He lets those around you carry you for a bit. Much love!

    Big hugs from Michigan - Diane

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  135. Aw Deena, I am so sorry sweetheart!
    I wish I was there, I'd make you herbal tea and read to you and sing to you and hug you and even make you giggle every now and then!
    Thats what you need...a giggle fest! :-)

    You are in my prayers dear friend!

    Warm Hugz, Dolly

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  136. Good morning, precious,
    Just so you know...we have never stopped praying for you!
    I do hope today will be sunshine in your house. I know your sweet HUNK is loving you dearly and praying for you to feel better.
    love and hugs, bj

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  137. Just Popping n with a ((hug)) for you today, Deena!

    Here is ((one hug)) from Chelsea too!

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  138. Oh Deena! I will say prayers for you that you get stronger and that you find a spark to get you through your days. Bless you!!

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  139. I don't "know" you, and you don't "know" me, but I came over from another bloger who mentioned prayers for you. Want you to know that I, and many others, have you in our prayers. laurie

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  140. Thank you for your courage to post your feelings. As you see, there are many people who love you and wish you well. If wishing would do it, you'd be there. Praying does work, though, and all these prayers won't go to waste. I agree with some of the others, talk to your psychiatrist again and see what she says. It's not a sin to fix a fainting soul. You've been through it and this sounds so much like depression. Love you, my friend--Sally

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  141. Dear Deena, I am praying for you dear heart.Bless your heart , you have been through so much.You are so tired.
    I didn't have breast cancer, I had esophagus cancer.After having 8 inches of my esophagus taken out and my stomach pulled up to reattach to what was left of my esophagus, I had really BIG eating issues.My new digestive tract took a long tiome to heal. I lost 120 lbs.I would have died but I was very obese, so I could stand to loose the weight.
    I don't know if you have tried soups, but if it hadn't been for the broth off of chicken noodle soup I wouldn't have made it.Try that Deena. My hubby would put it in a cup and get it really hot and I would sip on it. I couldn't stand the Ensure and all of the other drinks they suggested. They made me so-o-o sick.
    I have always lived to eat. But I was at the point that I had to eat to live.
    I will be praying for your appetite too dear one.

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  142. Deena, I'm so sorry you feel so yucky right now. I recently spoke with a friend who had brain RT, but it was for a brain tumor, and she talked about how long it took for that "fog" to lift. She talked of the same lack of enthusiasm you speak of. It sounds like this is the normal course of recovery from that treatment and the body is just building up energy and letting everything else go right now. I am glad your sweetheart is making sure you eat, even if it's not much right now. I so much want you to feel better.

    Big BIG hugs to you,
    Lynn

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  143. Deena,
    I didn't know things were this hard for you...I never stopped praying either.
    I love you...it WILL get better, I know it.
    Could I ask you a favor? My sweet sister-in-law was just diagnosed with two brain tumors. One is behind her eye, the other is by her ear. She is doing well with this shock. But please pray. We love her so much and this is so hard.
    I love you.
    Debra

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  144. Oh sweet precious one.........praying for you.

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  145. so sorry i have been mia, dear deena....out of town....and i pray that you will find joys again, dear friend, and that you will FEEL good!.....and care....because there are soooo many who love you and have you held in their hearts and prayers......keep on keeping on dear deena....one day at a time....sending you love and prayers.
    kimberly

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  146. Dena, it sounds like you have a case of depression, which is to be expected considering all that you've been through. I wonder if medication would help.

    You might, also, be experiencing post traumatic stress syndrome, which is very common for cancer patients. With all you're going through I hope you are going to counseling.

    These are both very good forums with some nice ladies. If you go to the mets board you will be able to find someone who is going through your same diagnosis. You don't have to post on the public forum. If you want to speak privately with someone you can give them a PM (personal message).

    http://www.youngsurvival.org/community/bulletin-board/

    http://community.breastcancer.org/

    Also, try the American Cancer Society in your town. They have support groups for all types of cancer. You will be able to talk with others who have your same diagnosis.

    I hope that something I've posted will help.

    God Bless You, Dear Lady.

    ~elaine~

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  147. Dearest Deena, I'm praying right now. Bless you sweetie. Kathi XOXO

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  148. Dear Sweet Deena...I am crying with you,and wish I had the words to make you feel better. You are in my prayers every day. Warm Hugs, *elaine*

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  149. Deena, I am praying for your well being and your appetite. Sending big hugs.
    ~Lallee

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  150. Hello Dear one - You do not know me and I found your lovely blog quite by accident "surfing around". When I read this post I knew I had to write and have you read a post I did about my dear Mom... please go here: http://vintagemoonstudio.typepad.com/vintage_moon_studio/2007/12/gift-of-life.html
    I hope you will find some comfort there... I will keep you in my prayers - Deb

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