I can't believe it's been eight days since I received my diagnosis.
I feel good & have been keeping busy. Yesterday during our
errand running, I did get a scrapbook . Tis PINK!! I want to
keep track of my journey, with thoughts , pictures & momentos.
I've gotten some greeting cards in the mail...they so cheer one up
just to know someone thinks to send a card.
I got some great Brighton earrings too,
here they are
I painted more shutters today, worked on a new website & moved
the guest bed into Mercedes old room. She's my youngest & moved out
in July. Now it doesn't look so empty , but I still have the empty nest, (it's
in my heart) I've been a mom with kids for 35 years & this is quite an
adjustment. I am glad my kids are grown and on their own, I can't imagine
how hard it would be to be a young mom struggling with breast cancer.
Hubby went out on his motorcycle today ..I hadn't realized how much he'd
been staying at home to be with me until he was gone today. I'm glad he
felt comfortable enough to leave me at home .
I have a new internet friend, Mollye, she's been emailing me daily
& she's just so sweet. Her emails bring me a ray of sunshine. I find
it amazing how God puts people in your life JUST when you need them.
Sometimes they need you, sometimes you need them, but God always knows.
We "fell back" this weekend & I am so tired I going to get my PINK jammies
on & grab my body pillow..snuggle under to comforter & read a bit of my
book "Mercy" before I fall asleep.
I'm hoping for a peaceful night with no night fears or bad dreams.
night all, Deena
PS..I forgot, I took a picture of "Sugar" today..my
horse friend down the lane. He wouldn't come see me
today like last Sunday, but he did look when I called for him
Ok, ya know how when you have served in a war and you want a goverment job, you get extra points so that you can have the goverment job before someone who didn't serve? Well, those are going to be the points I claim when I blah blah onto Deena's blog during her tour. I've been to the war, mine was more in the southern regions, but just the same, I left some stuff behind.
ReplyDeleteI want you to know that survivors get certain rights, like to be honest and funny about what may scare some or some may say...how can she say that???!!
I can say that cause I only want to leave the breast of intentions and I only want to leave the breast of impressions.
I was thinking today how freaked my husband gets these past years when I complain how much bigger my breasts have gotten since menopause. He's afraid that my words or thoughts will cause IT to come back...ya know, IT. When I say I miss my smaller breasts and these get in my way, he gets all white and sweaty and says "Honey, please don't say that in case you bring IT on again." Well, heck, ya know, bring it on!! If I can't feel free to say what I feel after all that for all those years, then all I can say is...."Hey! Big D! Come on! Bring it on! Cause you are not going to scare me more than you already have and you wasted way too many hours and days of my life anyways...so bring it on baby,whatever you got...I'm telling you now....these have gotten bigger and I miss my small ones a lot".
Deena, I guess it's time you got the story about Amazons and what that tribe of women would do. I probably shouldn't be telling you by myself, the legend is best told in a room full of gay women from the west coast, you could settle for Tucson women in a pinch, but anyways...here's how the story goes....
Women of the stongest tribe way long ago, they fought like warriors and won all their battles.
Because they had no regard for the repressed women's path, they found that when they shot their bows and arrows that something would get in their way. Depending on if they were right or left handed, they would remove in a celebration ritual the breast that was ruining their best shots. Yep, off it would go, to the shouts of joy, no need for that girl anymore, look to the future, the arrow will never be surer. Their best days of hunting were ahead.
So with that in mind...here are some other stream of consciousness thoughts about women's and some men's breasts....cause ya know, men can get the big C also in theirs.
When I was breast feeding the only child I had and a son to boot, I realized some things.
I had the new and insightful thought after another round of sore breasts and feeding....what's the big deal? All these years, and so much about them from all the boyfriends..for crying out loud they are just mammary glands to be feeding stations to carry on the species. Let me tell you, making love to me changed forever then...cause I was not laying back in earnest abandon any longer, I was staring at the ceiling thinking, "how long am I supposed to lay here?!"
After all, my girls had gone off like fountains whenever my son was wanting to eat, it didn't matter that I was at work, 15 miles away, and just ruined my blouse in the middle of a meeting.
How am I supposed to forget all that and go back to the "oh baby, oh baby". Can't be done.
Well, over the years now, after 45, life marches on, and often the troops march right over ya. I've had some special girlfriends and not all of them are still in the physical. I have lost the girls that knew me when. I have lost the women who knew I even had a son long ago. Groups of us laughing and just me that is left.
I miss my friends and listening to them. There was only one of each, never a replacement can come. A void forever with laughter in the ethers, laughter with them looking down at me.
Here's some of what they taught me and I will share with you.
Take pictures of your girls. Lots of photos from every angle. Write I love you on them and take photos of that too. Get clay impressions and if you can sand impressions too. Make them into sculpture and treasure them. There will be days that you may want part of one back and grief and loss is just part of the process.
So much to do about the girls ya know....Hugh Hefner has built a fortune from the likes of them.
Perfectly healthy young women get cut and stuffed, all to have more than enough. What's the story about all this? I majored in Psych and minored in Women's Studies, and I sure still don't get it.
Hooters wouldn't even have a restaurant if they weren't the main course...of course.
So with all that herstory, I say
HERSTORY, because this is only a women's story...(well, ok, maybe some men of a different type who pay for hormones and the like).
No matter what caused the disruption now, time to just go and take care if it all. One more thing on the to do list of life....
pick up the grandsons, do the laundry, get dinner, gas up the car, MRI, treatment and bandages, wear your hat, it's chilly out and your immune system is not up to snuff....another on the long list of life.....ah life, the very breath that is so welcome no matter if it causes pain, another day to see the trees and plants, another moon, another song, another photograph that can only be done in just the way Deena can do. Only Deena sees things in just her way, today and always.
Oh yes and before I say goodnight....you know that YOUTUBE posts videos and you could dance like never before, you and those girls of yours. If that isn't your thing, maybe that MTV Pants Off Dance Off?, and tell your friends to tune in! Clocks turned back again, another season, another year.
I've been to your other blog during Kelli's show and tell, but came here by way of Sharon's blog. I want you to know that I will add you to my prayers and will be stopping by to see how you are doing. My close aunt is a breast cancer survivor and has been doing wonderful over the past few years. Keep your faith strong and remember my favorite verse from Job-For when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold.
ReplyDeleteDeena,
ReplyDeleteI did not know about your blog and your journey ... until this morning. I'm so sorry ... and I will add you to my prayers.
God bless you,
xo
Dana
I would like to send you a card. Do you have a PO Box or a "safe" business address you can publish, I am sure there are others who would like to send cards, but it is probably not wise to post your home address.
ReplyDeleteMy prayers are with you. You're beautiful!
Sharon
Just remember that "you get what you think about" so continue to think about nature and all that you have and all that you love and turn your thoughts to happiness! In fact, that pink journal ought to be only for sketching and doodling and thinking up poetry and good things and none of what ails thee, my dear!
ReplyDeleteChristine
Deena,
ReplyDeleteI came to visit you by way of Sharon's blog... I just want you to know that I am praying for you, that you will have the courage to face what ever God has in mind for you at this time...
I will follow with you as you walk through this journey... and pray with you for strength!
Be Encouraged!