It has not been a good day. I am struggling with the fact that my
father in law lives with us, because he can't take care of himself.
So, I'm thinking, who will be taking care of him, when I can't take
care of myself?? I want my hubby all to myself for the next few months..I want to
be able to feel comfortable in my home, to reduce the resentment I
My own father is in a nursing home with Alzheimer's in Florida. I have step mom too, I have
not told them about my diagnosis, because what can they do?? Stress out, never have
good days..they can't come visit..dad has no phone in his room, and my step mom, well
she's not a mom. I never had a mom.
My daughter was here today..cuz I called her flipping out and
crying hard. She came right over. I felt so bad, upsetting her..by
the time she got here ..I had it together..and just felt naseaous ..but I
didn't tell her.
I've been a mom with kids at home for 35 years...I get my last sweet daughter
raised..and she's moved out..and now I have a FIL and cancer, and I'm not
sure which is worse. Thank God for my loving husband.
are not so good, most days are great. I know winter is upon us, I'm a hermit
then..so I know this is the best time to be ill, but it's also overcast lately
and I want the sun to shine on my face.
I can't open the windows and hear my bird friends in the winter. That makes
life so amazing..to hear owls, crickets, frogs and coyotes at night, and wake
to the songs of birds in the morning.
I went to my new doctor yesterday, mine retired from practice. I
met a sweet nurse there who just had the SAME surgeries as I
am going to have. She was so sweet and kind..She showed me
her "no hair" but she had a great lil wig on. She showed me the top
of her breast line and it looked wonderful. It is good to
know others have done this, survived it..and are willing to help and share.
I wish my husband was home..and he would just cuddle me and tell
me it will all be fine, he'll be here ..and the days ahead we'll be facing
together will make us strong and strengthen our marriage and our faith.
He'll be home..the grandsons are coming too. They'll give gramma hugs
and snuggles too.
Perhaps this weekend we can find some time to spend together..I want to
get all we need for Thanksgiving.
Rich and I talked frankly today before he left for work about the days to come.
He finally realizes how
hard this will be , BUT together we can get through it. I don't know how
a single woman can get through this ..my dear family helps so much. Just
knowing they love me and are there is my source of strength..
I wish I could have accepted the invitation to travel
to a small primitive antique shop at a nearby town with
my friend, Sally, but alas my head and tummy hurt too much..
I have HOPE and FAITH tomorrow ..or even this evening will be better.