Thursday's Visit

I made poor hubby take a couple pictures of me

out by my favorite tree in the front yard be

fore we left.

A wonderful paper birch.

I went with the expectation it would be a teeny lump

so I would have lumpectomy. So I'm in good spirits..

We got to the surgeon's office at 3.30 PM so I could fill out 

pages of paperwork..LOL, I even filled out the part 

that asked me ..height..weight...blood pressure..OOPS when I saw

the pulse I said..OH I filled this out, I think it's for my nurse.

Ok, YES I am a doofus!!!  When we finally got into the "tiny" room

she laughed when she saw what I'd done..when she took my 

blood pressure (I'd filled in 120/80) Ok I KNOW you're roaring..

she said  "you guessed pretty close ..it's 116/68"

YES, call me THE DOOFUS!!!

The nurse came back in ..about 10 minutes later saying Dr Mammolito

might be another 20 minutes, by this time it was 5.20 PM..did I want some 

magazines.

Well by this time hubby was "acting UP" so I told her no..he's quite entertaining.

LOL

He looks in the cabinets..OH I said ..GET OUT, that's not your stuff.. I have NEVER done that...

THEN there was a blue sheet hanging on one wall, so he started doing the WEATHER...

We sat in there and talked and giggled for 40 minutes..OMG ..we laugh at the 

dumbest things..

When Dr Mammolito came in..looking sharp in a black wool pant suit

with a bit of black leather trim on her lapels..Cute hair...shook our hands and 

said "I'm Denise"!!!!!!!!!!! Woohoo someone who's first name isn't DR..

I LIKE this lady!! ..then she said she was sorry for the delay..and she said she'd heard 

us laughing.. from the next room with her patient ...OMG..we are BAD!!!

She goes to work..she READS my CHART..omg..most doctors ask me the questions

I've just filled out..nope not Denise, she READS the answers..I wuv her even MORE.

Then she asks me what I know, which is basically, I have cancer in my right breast...

So she begins her exploration of MY breast..

She grabs my mammograms..my sonograms and the MRI reports

I tell you , the minute I see my right breast mammogram, I am MAD!! I mean furious

with myself for believing this lil Fairy Tale of a simple lump ..

It's WAY evident ..one that is large, it's spreading..the under arm lymph node(s) are

bad..and I'm in for bad news.

She looks them over really good, measures them..looks at them hard again..

does a breast examine and finds the lymph nodes too...

She goes out to get a drink of water.. it's about 6 PM and she's been talking ALL day

and comes back in.

While she's gone ..I turn to Rich with FIRE in my eyes and say..I'm SO mad!!!!

He says ...good ..you'll fight this!!!

So the good news is ..I won't need radiation..cuz the breast will be gone..

She'll start the surgery with a mastectomy and  a 'sentinel node bioposy'

After the node is removed, it will be tested ..I'll have radioactive material in

me ..as that will highlight the cancer..then she may have to do a "radical mastectomy"

to remove the nodes under the arm area.. The lymph node involvement means the cancer

is NOT contained..it's possible it has gone into my body..Here comes chemotherapy 

into the conversation.. Also , the cancer has spread into my milk ducts and moved

out from the tumor like lil side roads..UGH..

Invasive Lobular Carcinoma isn't always found by mammograms. I had one last year

and I got the all clear on that mammo. If your breast tissue feels different TELL YOUR 

DOCTOR, a sonogram is better and MRI will show more. 

Bottom line..the breast has to go, you'll need chemotherapy..now lets talk about the 

four drains you'll come home with..in your breast..let's talk about lymphodema, let's talk about  breast restoration..

Did you know ..the law says if we have a mastectomy, insurance HAS to cover breast restoration??? I didn't ..but it sounds like one win for women's health!!!

So, the plastic surgeon would come in right after Dr Denise is done

and start the breast restoration ..the same time..If  I want a nipple....

(!!! wait right there, a nipple ..will it be mine...!!!)

no she says..your's has cancer in it....

!!! I ask..will it be a real nipple!!!

 

a lil voice next to me says (yeah a real one, they get them from pigs)~~~~

it's my DARN husband..pointing out I'm a doofus!! 

and the doctor says to me

WILL YOU KICK HIM PLEASE!!

We all crack up..

apparently the nipple isn't real..just for looks and 

they tattoo the areola on !! LOL

Ok, so ..they may take abdomen or back skin from me

for my new breast..(a tummy tuck I think) ..

this could be good..

So..we talk alot more..we decide I'll talk to the plastic surgeon before anything is

set in stone!!  So Monday ..11/12 I go for my pre tests..blood ..chest xray...etc..

and then at 3.30 I meet with the plastic surgeon for a consultation..to see if 

I want a new breast.  Hubby will go with me and he has PROMISED to 

1.. be good

2.. support the decisions I make about MY body.

By now..it's 7 PM and I thinking ..even though doctors make 

good money, there's no time for their life..and I wouldn't want

to have that kind of life.

My daughter Nicole calls just as we get in the car. I tell 

her the news..try to make light of it..and we go home to

feed the dad and my sweet Hannah dog..

Then Rich and I go out to eat ..I have a Carmel Appletini

eat my supper and beg to go home to bed. 

I'm up at 2 AM with night sweats and crying..at 3.30 I go back to bed

and at 6AM I'm waking my self up again crying.  Horrible night mares

blood drenched body parts..Oh..I hate the night fears..Rich wakes up

holds me while I SOB..just SOB.. 

Tis the first time..I have teared up..but not sobbed..it's finally hit me.

I tell my dear hubby"I can't think of anyone I would rather have cancer with"

"you're my rock & my knight in shining armor"

I mean it..he's such a good man..

We have yet to talk about his dad..but I'll be down for a bit..healing for 6 weeks, then 

moving on to CheMo..which is what I do NOT want to do..I've seen what it does

and I don't want to be that sick..

 I want to be well by Spring..and back to gardening..

time to say ttfn..the grandsons are here for a bit..and I have to enjoy them

..we're going to watch 

Ratattouilli

I don't like RATS!!

but ..we'll see ..

thanks for all the support..

and I pray my blog helps someone other than me too!!

Praise God