Monday Nov 12...

So many things have happened since this journey began on

October 25th. I can't believe all the decisions we've had

to make & all that will be coming.

Rich and I went for my pre surgery tests today..just two

vials of blood..and my nurse was so good..I barely felt

anything at all!!  Then on to the next place for 

chest X rays.

That took about 30 minutes from start to finish. woohoo, was that

good. We went for fruit smoothies cuz I couldn't eat today and

on to see the plastic surgeon

OH MY GOSH, his name is Glyn Jones, he's HANDSOME, and I thought he was

from the U.K, but I found he was raised in Zimbabwe.

Click here to read his bio

(not a good pic of him)

Love his accent, his kind eyes , gentle hands and way

of making you feel lovely.

Rich said I'd have shown him my breasts even if he WASN"T a doctor.

ROFL, hubby is always hilarious!! and that is good .

So here's the deal . In the wee hours of Dec. 12th, ONE month from today,  I will go into

Order of St Francis Medical Center, at 7.40 AM I will received

my radioactive injection & about 2 hours later, my surgery 

will begin. 

Dr. Mammolito( here's a lil bio on her) will begin with a mastectomy, doing the lymph node biopsy

& then possibly doing a radical mastectomy (meaning taking the lymph nodes too)

This surgery should be about 1.5 hours

Then Dr. Jones team will take over for about 3.5 hours. Taking skin from my abdomen

to make a NEW right breast .  It's more than skin..it's muscle and fatty tissue..

Tis alot of surgery, anywhere from 3 to 5 days in the hospital,getting up the very next day, moving moving..keeping my strength and with meds and stocking and stuff to keep my legs from clotting.. coming home with tummy and 

breast drains and a catheter type pump with pain meds going in 24/7

and also an IV with meds too.  

The breast drains stay in about 5 days, the tummy drain 7-10 days.

I'll see the doctor on 12/20, so I have to get up and about. Hubby plans to take the 

day of the surgery off..and when I get home..he plans to take time off to 

take care of me AND his dad.  His decision to go back to work will depend on

my healing progress.

We counted the good things..

they are

1. New breast

2. Lift on the other breast

3. Tummy tuck..(thats where the new breast comes from)

4. Possibly curly hair after chemo

5. My eyelashes may grow back thicker.

6. Hubby has to wait on my 24/7 for a bit

7. I get out of all housework for at least a week.

8. I may loose weight

The bad things..we aren't counting, we ONLY want to look at the 

positives.

It's alot of surgery, but I think I need to make this the best it can

be ..get all healed, look younger and by Spring, I'll be gardening!!

I like that I'll have about 3 weeks to get ready for Christmas

and hopefully I'll be feeling little pain by Christmas. 

I hope to have my family here for Christmas breakfast.

 Life 

can change in the blink of an eye and you'll never see it coming. 

 I hope

I can be a help and comfort to others. 

I can't believe what 

great attitudes Rich and I have been keeping. I thank God for

my dear hubby and all my loving family and friends.

My bestest friends, Marcia, Michele & Sherry...you 

are my heart and soul and I love you all so much!!

I may not post everyday now..until closer to surgery unless there

is something new in the wind.  Please pray for us real hard

on 12/12  when I begin my transformation.

I'm in such good hands..with AWESOME doctors

and an AWESOME God!!

 Living in the hometown of

Susan Komen, where the Komen Foundation began.

praise God!!

fondly, Deena

The Weekend was Good

Yesterday Rich and I went to lunch, I painted a coat 

on the shutters and then we watched a movie

from 2006..

Beowulf & Grendel

...enjoyable..

Today I went to see "Martian Child" with John Cusack

it was a wonderful heart warming film..I think I fell in

love with John Cusack today..his roll was GREAT

and the story was TOUCHING.  About a man who

adopts a boy..I can't tell you anymore ..as you need to see it!!

I went two friends who use to work at the bank with me.  One friend, Patty

I hadn't seen for 3?? maybe 4 years..and we use to be so close. 

The other friend, Cindy

has always kept in touch AND she always makes me laugh.  

We went for a light lunch and began asking questions about 

my breast cancer, which I am glad to answer. 

It was so good to be with friends who know you so well.

I received an email with a photo from one of my internet friends today , with her

sweet granddaughters, it was so sweet and I just smiled at my friend and the girls.

Lately  I've reflected on friends, and how some mean so much to you

and yet, they seem to be too busy to take time to call or email. 

Any friend that I loose , I grieve for..and lately I have been

trying to deal with the loss of a group of friends.  

Each friend meant so much .. I pray that God helps me deal with

the loss of a handful of friends..and helps me to let them go. I also

pray I treat everyone with God's love.  

I have been quite melancholy tonight, I just need to rest my mind

and wake up to another day tomorrow.

I'll be going for all my pre surgery tests tomorrow  & the plastic surgeon

visit after that.  I'm praying for God to help me make a decision 

about the breast reconstruction..I don't really feel I want it

but hubby thinks I should for me. I just want to be well as 

soon as I can be & not go through numerous surgeries.

Praying for wisdom to help me deal with my current issues.

I hope tomorrow brings a POSITIVE attitude ..not this

what's the use attitude.

I think I'll need a sleeping aid tonight, my mind isn't at rest.

night ~~ Deena

The Sweetest Words

On Friday evening when I was with my daughter's two boys

Cole who's 6 and Caleb who's 4, we were all snuggled

in beds , watching a movie.

Caleb said " I don't love you gramma"

Oh the hurt, a knife in my heart, but I know

kids say things they feel at the time, but really

don't mean.

Cole said "Caleb , why don't you love our gramma?"

Caleb " cuz when we're bad, she's mean"  

I laughed and told Cole at least he realizes it's only when

he's bad. 

Cole said to me

"Gramma I'll love you forever, even when I'm in Heaven"

My heart over flowing with love said, " Cole , remember this, Gramma

will love you forever too, even when I'm in Heaven"

Cole is such a kind , sweet, loving boy who will usually do whatever

you ask . Caleb is a sweet, mischevious boy, who rarely listens

and loves to bully and hurt his younger brother.  I love them both

so much, I could never have imagined loving so hard when I was younger.

Life has brought me such love & now I feel so blessed by God's gifts..More than 

I ever imagined I would have!!

OH, before I left the boys Friday night..Caleb said " I love Gramma"

Of course I knew that all along..  

I'm fighting this for MY FAMILY, my FRIENDS and for 

everyone to see through me our Lord and Saviour!!

Jesus.

I just want all of you who read this to know

how much each loved one is loved by me..

and how much each internet friend means to me.

Enjoy the Lord's day & celebrate the gift of life

fondly, Deena

(who's coming to terms with the PINK thing)

A sweet gift

Arrived in the mail on Friday.

The timing was perfect. It was wrapped so

sweetly, with a teeny tag hand written

"For pretty Deena, who sits at the edge of The Singing Woods"

My delight ZNE friend , Gail Schmidt, Shabby Cottage Studio

made this lovely  two sided ornament.

Thank you Gail for the kindest and love 

***************************************

My dear friend, Sally , from ZNE and Art in the Word, brought

soup over tonight. Some for me, some without meat for hubby!!

Sally lives about 5 minutes from me & I met her through an 

online Yahoo Group of Christian artists. God sent her to

me right before my diagnosis. He know I needed her friendship

Thank you Sally for the caring and thank you God for the friend.

fondly, Deena

Thursday's Visit

I made poor hubby take a couple pictures of me

out by my favorite tree in the front yard be

fore we left.

A wonderful paper birch.

I went with the expectation it would be a teeny lump

so I would have lumpectomy. So I'm in good spirits..

We got to the surgeon's office at 3.30 PM so I could fill out 

pages of paperwork..LOL, I even filled out the part 

that asked me ..height..weight...blood pressure..OOPS when I saw

the pulse I said..OH I filled this out, I think it's for my nurse.

Ok, YES I am a doofus!!!  When we finally got into the "tiny" room

she laughed when she saw what I'd done..when she took my 

blood pressure (I'd filled in 120/80) Ok I KNOW you're roaring..

she said  "you guessed pretty close ..it's 116/68"

YES, call me THE DOOFUS!!!

The nurse came back in ..about 10 minutes later saying Dr Mammolito

might be another 20 minutes, by this time it was 5.20 PM..did I want some 

magazines.

Well by this time hubby was "acting UP" so I told her no..he's quite entertaining.

LOL

He looks in the cabinets..OH I said ..GET OUT, that's not your stuff.. I have NEVER done that...

THEN there was a blue sheet hanging on one wall, so he started doing the WEATHER...

We sat in there and talked and giggled for 40 minutes..OMG ..we laugh at the 

dumbest things..

When Dr Mammolito came in..looking sharp in a black wool pant suit

with a bit of black leather trim on her lapels..Cute hair...shook our hands and 

said "I'm Denise"!!!!!!!!!!! Woohoo someone who's first name isn't DR..

I LIKE this lady!! ..then she said she was sorry for the delay..and she said she'd heard 

us laughing.. from the next room with her patient ...OMG..we are BAD!!!

She goes to work..she READS my CHART..omg..most doctors ask me the questions

I've just filled out..nope not Denise, she READS the answers..I wuv her even MORE.

Then she asks me what I know, which is basically, I have cancer in my right breast...

So she begins her exploration of MY breast..

She grabs my mammograms..my sonograms and the MRI reports

I tell you , the minute I see my right breast mammogram, I am MAD!! I mean furious

with myself for believing this lil Fairy Tale of a simple lump ..

It's WAY evident ..one that is large, it's spreading..the under arm lymph node(s) are

bad..and I'm in for bad news.

She looks them over really good, measures them..looks at them hard again..

does a breast examine and finds the lymph nodes too...

She goes out to get a drink of water.. it's about 6 PM and she's been talking ALL day

and comes back in.

While she's gone ..I turn to Rich with FIRE in my eyes and say..I'm SO mad!!!!

He says ...good ..you'll fight this!!!

So the good news is ..I won't need radiation..cuz the breast will be gone..

She'll start the surgery with a mastectomy and  a 'sentinel node bioposy'

After the node is removed, it will be tested ..I'll have radioactive material in

me ..as that will highlight the cancer..then she may have to do a "radical mastectomy"

to remove the nodes under the arm area.. The lymph node involvement means the cancer

is NOT contained..it's possible it has gone into my body..Here comes chemotherapy 

into the conversation.. Also , the cancer has spread into my milk ducts and moved

out from the tumor like lil side roads..UGH..

Invasive Lobular Carcinoma isn't always found by mammograms. I had one last year

and I got the all clear on that mammo. If your breast tissue feels different TELL YOUR 

DOCTOR, a sonogram is better and MRI will show more. 

Bottom line..the breast has to go, you'll need chemotherapy..now lets talk about the 

four drains you'll come home with..in your breast..let's talk about lymphodema, let's talk about  breast restoration..

Did you know ..the law says if we have a mastectomy, insurance HAS to cover breast restoration??? I didn't ..but it sounds like one win for women's health!!!

So, the plastic surgeon would come in right after Dr Denise is done

and start the breast restoration ..the same time..If  I want a nipple....

(!!! wait right there, a nipple ..will it be mine...!!!)

no she says..your's has cancer in it....

!!! I ask..will it be a real nipple!!!

 

a lil voice next to me says (yeah a real one, they get them from pigs)~~~~

it's my DARN husband..pointing out I'm a doofus!! 

and the doctor says to me

WILL YOU KICK HIM PLEASE!!

We all crack up..

apparently the nipple isn't real..just for looks and 

they tattoo the areola on !! LOL

Ok, so ..they may take abdomen or back skin from me

for my new breast..(a tummy tuck I think) ..

this could be good..

So..we talk alot more..we decide I'll talk to the plastic surgeon before anything is

set in stone!!  So Monday ..11/12 I go for my pre tests..blood ..chest xray...etc..

and then at 3.30 I meet with the plastic surgeon for a consultation..to see if 

I want a new breast.  Hubby will go with me and he has PROMISED to 

1.. be good

2.. support the decisions I make about MY body.

By now..it's 7 PM and I thinking ..even though doctors make 

good money, there's no time for their life..and I wouldn't want

to have that kind of life.

My daughter Nicole calls just as we get in the car. I tell 

her the news..try to make light of it..and we go home to

feed the dad and my sweet Hannah dog..

Then Rich and I go out to eat ..I have a Carmel Appletini

eat my supper and beg to go home to bed. 

I'm up at 2 AM with night sweats and crying..at 3.30 I go back to bed

and at 6AM I'm waking my self up again crying.  Horrible night mares

blood drenched body parts..Oh..I hate the night fears..Rich wakes up

holds me while I SOB..just SOB.. 

Tis the first time..I have teared up..but not sobbed..it's finally hit me.

I tell my dear hubby"I can't think of anyone I would rather have cancer with"

"you're my rock & my knight in shining armor"

I mean it..he's such a good man..

We have yet to talk about his dad..but I'll be down for a bit..healing for 6 weeks, then 

moving on to CheMo..which is what I do NOT want to do..I've seen what it does

and I don't want to be that sick..

 I want to be well by Spring..and back to gardening..

time to say ttfn..the grandsons are here for a bit..and I have to enjoy them

..we're going to watch 

Ratattouilli

I don't like RATS!!

but ..we'll see ..

thanks for all the support..

and I pray my blog helps someone other than me too!!

Praise God