Sunday, January 6, 2008

Confessions of Dangerous Mind

Ok, maybe I'm not so dangerous..but I do need to confess.
You'll see why..

Yesterday Rich & I ventured to our local museum that
is affiliated with "The Smithsonian"
for a look at the Beggar Etchings of Rembrandt

It was intricate and small & what a talent.

Reading about Rembrandt made me he was married, and his
wife died young.  They only had one child who made it to maturity
..Titus...and when Rembrandt's wife died ..Titus was just a few
weeks old. 

 Rembrandt hired a nursemaid..and in time
slept with her.  She later sued Rembrandt for "breach of promise"
and gave birth a couple of months after the hearing.

Rembrandt lost all his art to auction to pay his debt for this breach, then his house was taken.

  His son Titus married later..
and died promptly after the marriage..and then Rembrandt..(I suppose with
a broken heart) died .

What a tragic life..what talent..and I thought..Lives were as messed up
then as they are now!!!!   That was in the 1600's..sigh

After the museum , we went to lunch, came home  and of course 
I took a nap. 
After my nap, I called my BFF , Marcia
and she came to visit from about 7 to 9PM

I so need girls's therapeutic.

When she left, I went to bed to rest & watch TV..

Today, I woke pain as usual, just a constant hurt.

My tummy surgery hurts, the muscles don't like the
upturn they've been made to do.  They constantly pull
and this makes my back pull back.

My new boob is BIG
as the radiation will shrink it and Dr Jones made
it a bit larger for that reason. 

 My arm hurts, the incision
where the lymphs were taken looks healed, but hurts 
 all the time. Not enough for pain meds, but enough that
after 24 days..I just laid there and cried.

Cried about how I hurt, about how I don't rest, that I get tired,
cuz my body feels like a Push Me~Pull You.(remember Dr. Doolittle?)
 My legs & head
even hurt this morning. 

I got up, took a shower
and came down the stairs.  

As I sat at the table, enjoying coffee 
(YES!! Starbucks) a half bagel..and some PC time, I realized
the pain had subsided MORE than any day before.

God had heard my cries...and answered them.
Why did I not ask God for relief before?? Why did I not
believe He'd help me?? Well, tis the human stain.
Next time..I'll ask God aLOT sooner.
I have to let go of control, as I am NOT in control.

My BFF's husband..sent me an email early today
He told me he read this and thought of me
Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's
about learning to dance in the rain
so today
I'm going to begin to dance....why would I wait
for the treatments to be over?? when I can
dance now??

  I don't need an umbrella or 
a rain coat!!

Today is the first day of the rest of my life ..tomorrow is  
a gift and I'll accept it!!
Getting my dancing shoes..Deena


  1. And I shall dance with you Deena--but watch your toes--my bright pink cast is kinda heavy and I feel like I have 2 left feet!
    I love your new outlook!
    brenda bliss

  2. Oh Deena!
    What a sad life for Rembrandt.
    You just keep those dancing shoes on and dance, dance, dance.
    Thinking about you often.

  3. Bless you Deena. You are in my prayers.

  4. Good Evening Deena,
    Wow, I can't believe they lived those kind of lives back in the 1600's. I guess I learn something new everyday. I'm glad you and Rich had a good time being out with each other. It's also glad when you have a Girlfriend to be around and talk also. And, my dear friend, I will dance with you!!!! I can't dance, so you better watch for me. LOL. I'm glad you have a better outlook now as well. GOD IS ALWAYS IN CONTROL!!!! We just have to let go and let GOD. Take care my friend and have a great evening. May God Bless You and Yours.

    Love & Hugs,
    Karen H.

  5. And after having done all "Dance" the word of God says to stand..

    Wherefore take unto you the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand.

    but I am not a stander.. I am a dancer....... I have danced like a fool all my life and it started with the Mashed Potato in 1963hahahha.... and I have not stopped yet... I get my red tambourine out and I go to my shop and I dance before the Lord...... I think He takes 5 from the throne room and cuts a rug with me......... so today my friend you dance...... and you watch as the Father God taps His foot..

    As I pray tonight I pray that the Father will send His word and heal you......

    Psalm 107:20 He sent his word, and healed them, and delivered [them] from their destructions.

  6. p.s.

    when I was 7 and in the second grade I think.. I did a little tap dance skit at school with 5 others... we had yellow umbrellas and yellow rain coats and we danced to Singing In The Rain....... what a sweet memory you stirred up......

  7. Bless your heart, Deeana. God tells us there is a time to mourn, whatever it is we need to mourn. But there is a time to dance! "I hope you dance....."

  8. Oh Deena...I love that quote...dancing in the rain....I hope you are feeling better heart hurts for you sometimes....I am sorry you are in pain.
    Hugs for you,
    and prayers,

  9. I have left you a little something on my blog......:)

  10. Keeping you in my prayers Deena. Loved the quote "Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, it's
    about learning to dance in the rain"
    That touched my heart tonight.

  11. Deena,
    your BFF's husband sent you a nice quote that will help you through the next few months!!
    If God brings you to it... He will walk you through it.. and in this case He will Dance you through it!!
    Be Encouraged!!
    {{Hugs}} and continuous prayers!!

  12. Oh Dear Sweet Deena ...

    What I wouldn't give to come and sit with you for a while right now. Reading your post ... the way you have put your all our here on your virtual sleeve for us to read (and see ... I took a peek at your post-op photos) ... you are a brave woman with a STRONG will and STRONG soul. I'm so sorry for your physical pain, your emotional upheavel and the all of the things you have to process right now. It makes any storm I have weathered seem pale in comparison. I must learn to accept who I am and where I'm at and learn to RECEIVE JOY because there is JOY in EVERY day.

    God bless you, sweet sister ... for amidst your pain and struggle, God is using you to open the eyes and hearts of others.

    Through my tears ... I want to thank you for your candid honesty, your gentle way of caring even when it is YOU that needs to be cared after.

    I love the quote ... about learning to dance in the rain.

    Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us.

    With much love and fondness ...

    Your Friend ... ALWAYS!

  13. OH DEENA!!!
    I pray for you every day and want you to know that I am here whenever you need me!!!
    Hugs and Love,
    Amy (Who will dance with you ANYTIME)

  14. oh ...this is so good....and so true.....I am spending some time listening to some great sermons on line....through this more pity parties...that was a great quote..and believe me....I live in the land of times more way than one...
    Praying for you to heal in a easier way...

  15. "I will send down showers in season and there will be showers of blessings" (Ezekiel). Hold on, girl. He's bringing you showers! -Polly

  16. Oh Deena, my heart goes out to you.

    Pain is never easy, and days and days of it are discouraging.

    I am glad that it is beginning to subside a bit, and that you found something lovely to cheer you.

    I wonder what Rembrandt promised the nursemaid that he did not deliver... Maybe to marry her ? I'm amazed that back in the day, she found justice in a court.

    Loving Annie

  17. Like the quote your friend's husband sent--very good one!! you are in my prayers.

  18. That is my favorite movie. So girl go sing in the rain, wind and even the sunshine.Just sing and dance and be happy.
    I feel your pain as I read this. Mine was back surgery but all surgery is painful.
    I really believe your sharing is helping someone out there in blog land.
    Peace be with you.

  19. I find myself thinking so much about you and your journey...I want you to know that even though we don't talk all the time and we don't see eachother my heart still holds you


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